Relationship Minute: Questions to Ask After a Fight

The existence of conflict does not spell the end of your relationship. Some negativity is necessary for stability, but positivity is what nourishes the relationship. One of the predictors of a relationship’s failure is a couple’s inability to manage conflict in a healthy manner and to move forward knowing the source of their gridlock.

Couples need to understand their fights. To move forward after an argument, begin by asking yourself the following questions: 

  • “How did we get here in the first place?” 
  • “Why didn’t our conversation go well?” 
  • “What is the meaning of the issue between us?” 
  • “What are the sources of our gridlock on this subject?”

Most importantly, ask yourself: “What was the conversation we needed to have, but didn’t?”

The ultimate goal in the aftermath of a fight is to have dialogue about the underlying issues that started it. Miscommunication can cause further unnecessary conflict, but at the same time, such a regrettable incident is an opportunity to work together and grow as a couple.

Related blog posts

The Relationship Minute is from The Gottman Institute. You can sign up here to get it delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning.