Sending and recognizing nonverbal bids for connection are collectively an important part of your relationship. Bids can range from subtle to obvious and always signal the need for attention and connection. It’s good for you both to know them when you see them and accept the invitation to turn towards each other.
So, what does it look like when your partner makes a nonverbal bid for intimacy? Do you know their go-to move? Is it a smile from across the table? Do they cuddle close at bedtime? Also, how do you initiate? Are you sure your partner knows what you’re asking for?
In “What Makes Love Last?” Dr. John Gottman notes that these types of bids work, but only “as long as you are both clear about what message you’re sending or receiving.”
Take time today to talk about your nonverbal bids for intimacy. Start with recalling past lovemaking encounters. How did they begin? Who initiated and how? Did either of you ever offer a bid that was missed?
Learning to send and receive bids effectively depends on you both getting on the same page in and out of the bedroom.
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The Relationship Minute is from The Gottman Institute.
In the Sound Relationship House, couples use Rituals of Connection to create shared meaning. Have you ever considered a ritual of connection centering on gratitude? It can be something you do together that says thank you in a big or small way.
In a year fraught with stress and worry, everyone could use some kind words. So, get together with your partner and figure out who you two can thank and how.
Has someone encouraged your growth as a couple or given you advice when you really needed it? How about the babysitter who watches your kids when you need a date night or the neighbor who takes care of your pets when you take a long weekend away?
Think of a creative way to show your gratitude toward them. Whether it’s a handcrafted gift or personalized note, you both can make the gesture as a bonding experience and enjoy the time spent together in the process. You can turn this into a ritual you do every year.
Be intentional about being thankful by building it into the fabric of your relationship. It helps you connect and express gratitude at the same time.
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The Relationship Minute is from The Gottman Institute. You can sign up here to get it delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning.