Many people enjoy being in a relationship for companionship and intimacy. You have someone with whom you can share your inner world.
But what happens when you’re in a relationship but still feel sad and lonely? Perhaps your partner feels distant even in the same room. When you talk, you don’t feel seen nor heard.
A myriad of reasons exists for unhappiness in couples (e.g., the presence of the Four Horsemen). One important factor many have in common, according to Dr. John Gottman, is that lonely people in relationships are not attuned to each other. They’re talking at one another— blaming and finger-pointing—rather than turning toward, showing empathy, and making understanding the goal.
In “The Science of Trust,” Dr. John Gottman tells couples that emotional attunement “is basically the skill they will need to create a relationship that really works for them.”
Are you emotionally attuned? Do you feel seen and heard in your relationship? Read more in the links below. Also, check out the latest from The Gottman Relationship Coach. Feeling Seen and Heard is a new set of exercises, advice, and videos from the Gottmans explaining what makes a good listener and how to share your truth in a way your partner can understand.
Related Blog Posts:
- Are You Lonesome Tonight?: Loneliness in Marriage
- Emotional Attunement
- Help Your Partner Understand Your Side of the Conflict in 3 Steps
The Relationship Minute is from The Gottman Institute. Visit their website.