Relationship Minute: Feeling Mad? It’s Not Your Partner’s Fault.

Ever said “you’re making me mad!” in an argument?

Take a moment to reflect. Was it your partner who was making you mad, or is being mad actually your feeling that you need to take responsibility for?

According to Dr. Julie Gottman, “being passionate, being intense, expressing anger, and so on is fine depending on how you voice it. So if you’re expressing anger with an ‘I’ statement that describes how you feel, as opposed to pointing a finger at your partner and describing them as flawed or to blame, that’s very different.”

Even if it’s not your proudest moment, owning your anger by saying, “I’m mad!” is ok, rather than saying, “you’re making me mad!”

You may be mad, and that’s fine, but your partner isn’t making you feel that way. It’s okay to feel angry, as long as you acknowledge and own that it’s your feeling.

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The Relationship Minute is from The Gottman Institute. Visit their website.