It’s always tough to find the right words after fighting with your partner. Oftentimes, you may resort to silence, waiting for the other person to speak up first. This is where repair attempts come in.
Consider coming up with an agreed-upon word or phrase that signals to you both that one of you is attempting to make a repair. This can be silly and random like “cookies” (in fact, levity is a great tension-breaker), or something stronger such as “What can I do?” or “Tell me what you need from me.” Whatever you choose, be sure you both agree that, when one of you says this code word, it means you want to restore your connection.
And during the next neutral opportunity, be sure to ask your partner, “What’s our code word for repair?”
Related Blog Posts:
- Manage Conflict: Repair and De-Escalate
- Homework Assignment: Repair Attempts
- Love Quiz: How Well Do You Repair Your Relationship?
The Relationship Minute is from The Gottman Institute. Visit their website.