Relationship Minute: Before You Go to Bed Tonight

How you end your day in a relationship can be just as important as how it begins. As tempting as it is to mutter “good night” and roll over to your side, you don’t want to miss this golden opportunity to be intimate with your partner.

Every day you need a stress-reducing conversation with your partner where you both get to talk about stressors outside of your relationship. Making this part of your bedtime routine.

Asking “how was your day” is a good start, but more specific open-ended questions invite your partner to share in detail. For example, say, “Tell me about a moment today when you felt proud of yourself” or “Did you feel anxious or upset at any point today? What was going on?” You can also get even more specific. Ask “You had that big project at work today. How did that go?” or “I heard you on the phone earlier and you sounded tense. What happened?”

Remember, this isn’t a time to problem-solve unless your partner asks you to. Mostly this is when you listen to them with your undivided attention. No phones. No television. No one else around. You have time, space, and privacy to have an intimate conversation.

Try it out tonight. Before you go to bed, turn toward your partner with a listening ear. It’s just one of many ways to build intimacy between you.

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The Relationship Minute is from The Gottman Institute. Visit their website.