Relationship Minute: Me vs. We

“So, how did you two meet?”

In his research, Dr. John Gottman found that how you tell this story and all the stories about your relationship history (more specifically called “the story of us”) says a lot about you as a couple.

In a healthy relationship, your “story of us” includes all the good stuff like humor, fondness, admiration, and a sense of togetherness.

For example, when you recall your first date, do you complain about your partner letting the car run out of gas so you had to walk or do you emphasize that lovely chat you had on that walk? Do you mostly talk about how tough the early years were for you or do you remember how you both learned how to work as a team to solve problems?

How negatively or positively you view your history can tell if you’re in this together or it’s all about an individual. Your story can be full of negativity and everything your partner does wrong or it’s the epic tale of two people joining forces to overcome obstacles as a couple. As Dr. John Gottman asks, “Is it I, me, mine, or is it us, our, we?”

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The Relationship Minute is from The Gottman Institute. Visit their website.