FREE 1 extra hour of sleep! Limited time offer!

That’s right, coming this Sunday you can be the proud owner of an absolutely FREE, extra hour of sleep.

This Sunday morning, November 1, 2020 at 2 a.m., daylight savings time will end and the clocks in most states will turn back 1 hour.

Daylight savings time is not observed in Hawaii or in most of Arizona, although the Navajo Nation does observe it, but it is observed in all other states.

How do you take advantage of this special offer? It’s as simple as 1, 2, 3:

  1. On Saturday night, turn back your clocks by 1 hour.
  2. Go to bed.
  3. Wake up on Sunday with one extra hour of sleep.

This offer is limited to no one! But hurry!
This offer expires on Sunday, March 14, 2021
when the clocks spring forward 1 hour!

Relationship Minute: The Headless Horseman

The Headless Horseman is a character from folklore, traditionally depicted as a man on horseback who is seen either carrying his head or having lost it entirely. At times, he is depicted using a jack-o-lantern as a replacement (festive!).

Similarly, when you engage in one of the Four Horsemen (Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt, or Stonewalling), you may feel as though you have lost your head and/or temporarily replaced it with a jack-o-lantern.

But just as spotting the Headless Horseman is a rare occurrence (no one in the folk tales encounters him at the feed store, offering his opinions in the comments section of a Facebook post, or struggling to assemble IKEA furniture), the Four Horsemen are not permanent states of being.

In most healthy relationships, a partner is not always critical, defensive, contemptuous, or stonewalling. Aside from Contempt, they are behaviors that even the happiest couples occasionally slip into.

The difference is that the “Masters” of relationships know how to keep the Four Horsemen at bay and maintain a high positive-to-negative interaction ratio, even in conflict.

So try to keep the Horsemen (Headless and otherwise) reined in to avoid any unnecessary scares.

Related blog posts

The Relationship Minute is from The Gottman Institute. You can sign up here to get it delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

Relationship Minute: Turning Towards

Changes in the seasons mean a host of new ways to turn towards your partner.

Trusting that you and your partner will turn towards one another in emotional moments, as well as in everyday conversation, is truly what good relationships are all about.⁠

Becoming attuned to the ways in which the two of you interact, and making Turning Towards an intentional act is vital to reducing stress and creating an atmosphere of trust.⁠

Try these 15 ideas to turn towards one another or come up with your own. Revisit this list when you both feel like you need to bring more opportunities to connect into your relationship.⁠

Related blog posts

The Relationship Minute is from The Gottman Institute. You can sign up here to get it delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

Relationship Minute: Strengths

It’s easy to get hung up on the things you could improve in your relationship. There’s always a little thing here or there that went imperfectly, that results in conflict, or that you wish you’d handled better. And it’s normal to strive to improve.

But you’re together for a reason. Sometimes in the journey toward what’s possible, you might forget to look at the progress you’ve already made.

Every relationship is unique. What are your relationship’s strengths? What do you two do better than anyone else you know? Go ahead, get smug about it!

There’s always something to nitpick—an artist never truly “finishes” their work and relationships are co-created works of art. But it’s important to take some time to pat yourselves on the back for what you already do well.

What are your relationship’s superpowers? What have you gotten a lot better at over time? What have you never had to work on? Celebrate your strengths.

Related blog posts

The Relationship Minute is from The Gottman Institute. You can sign up here to get it delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

Relationship Minute: The thing about “I” statements

In the words of Certified Gottman Therapist Elizabeth Earnshaw in this Instagram post, “I statements are only helpful when they are truly about the self.”

We teach that the antidote to criticism is the Softened Start-Up, which starts with an “I statement.” But an “I statement” can also be twisted into criticism if you’re not careful:

“I feel like you’re a bad driver.”
“I’m mad because you’re so lazy.”
“I am always picking up after you.”

Evaluate your “I” statements. Are they really expressing your feeling or experience with a sense of ownership? Or are they casting an opinion or criticism on your partner? Instead of the critical statements above, try “I” statements that are actually about yourself.

“I get anxious in the car.”
“I like to feel busy.”
“I think I’m overwhelmed by the amount of housework I’m doing right now.” 

Related blog posts

The Relationship Minute is from The Gottman Institute. You can sign up here to get it delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

Relationship Minute: The repair remote control

Repair is one of the best tools a couple can have at their disposal. Because mistakes, carelessness, and conflict are inevitable, the right repairs at the right time can make all the difference.

Imagine repair attempts as buttons on a TV remote control. If the conversation goes awry, you can “press”:

Rewind (Sorry) 

  • “Can I try again?” 
  • “I messed up.” 
  • “How can I make things better?” 
  • “I’m sorry.” 

Fast Forward (Get to Yes) 

  • “I agree with part of what you’re saying.” 
  • “Let’s find a compromise.” 
  • “What are your concerns?” 

Pause (I Need to Calm Down) 

  • “Can we take a break from this conversation for now?” 
  • “Please be gentler with me” 
  • “I am starting to feel flooded.” 

Stop (Stop Action!) 

  • “Give me a moment.” 
  • “Let’s agree to disagree.” 
  • “We are getting off track.” 

Record (I Appreciate) 

  • “That’s a good point.” 
  • “I know this isn’t your fault.” 
  • “I love you.” ​​​​

Microphone/Voice Command (I Feel) 

  • “That hurt my feelings.” 
  • “I feel defensive. Can you rephrase that?” 
  • “I’m getting worried.” 

The better you get at using and recognizing repairs, the more effective they will be in your relationship. 

Related blog posts

The Relationship Minute is from The Gottman Institute. You can sign up here to get it delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

Relationship Minute: Relationship Road

The saying, “it’s a marathon, not a sprint,” could apply to relationships, but a better metaphor to consider might be that commitment is a road, not a destination.

You and your partner are on the road together. Was it bumpy at the start? Have there been unexpected detours? Or maybe you’ve even hit a pothole or two.

But the best way to move forward is not to dwell in those potholes. Even if they cause a flat tire, you call roadside assistance and keep going.

It’s okay to hit a rough patch. It’s okay to call for help, ask for directions, or look at a map if you get lost.

You’re on the road together, navigating it side by side. Trust and love are built in the small moments, and often as a result of some of the toughest stretches of road. 

Related blog posts

The Relationship Minute is from The Gottman Institute. You can sign up here to get it delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

Relationship Minute: Assume positive intent

Do you assume the best in your partner? What assumptions do you make when they do something that happens to ruffle your feathers?

In most relatively healthy relationships, partners are not out to “get” each other. However, sometimes, if negative sentiment is starting to creep in, their actions can be interpreted that way.

For example, you said you were going to do the dishes but time got away from you and your partner ended up doing them instead. Within the context of assuming negativity, they might think you deliberately “forgot” so they would have to do them. You might think that their doing the dishes was a way of communicating, “I’m always cleaning up after you,” and feel defensive.

Or, you could treat each other with care. In that instance, your partner might think, “They’re really busy. I’m sure they just forgot.” Seeing that they did the dishes out of kindness, you might thank them.

Dr. John Gottman says, “Couples often ignore each other’s emotional needs out of mindlessness, not malice.” Accordingly, you and your partner can treat each other with extra generosity by assuming positive intent.

What would happen if you viewed your partner as an ally rather than an adversary?

Related blog posts

The Relationship Minute is from The Gottman Institute. You can sign up here to get it delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

Relationship Minute: Getting mad

In this episode of Jay Shetty’s podcast, he talks to John and Julie Gottman about what they learned from decades of studying the “masters of relationships.”

John Gottman notes that he was surprised to find that couples having what is categorized as a “neutral” or calm interaction are actually doing well.

Julie Gottman adds, “I want to be sure that our listeners don’t think that expressing anger is a bad thing. That is not true. So being passionate, being intense, expressing anger, and so on is fine depending on how you voice it. So if you’re expressing anger with an ‘I’ statement that describes how you feel, as opposed to pointing a finger at your partner and describing them as flawed or to blame, that’s very different.”

Even if it’s not your proudest moment, owning your anger by saying, “I’m mad!” is ok, rather than saying, “you’re making me mad!”

You may be feeling anger, and that’s fine, but your partner isn’t making you feel it. It’s okay to feel angry, as long as you acknowledge and own that it’s your feeling.

Related blog posts

The Relationship Minute is from The Gottman Institute. You can sign up here to get it delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning.